My Sweet Kamden


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Mental Illness is Just That...Illness

I don't think I'll ever understand the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. I am an insulin dependent diabetic.  If someone finds out my blood sugar is too high or that I left my insulin at home, they are immediately panicked and I am flooded with questions about what we need to do or how they can help.  Same is true of anyone who receives a cancer diagnosis, a blood pressure or heart related diagnosis or any other number of things that could be mentioned here. Why is mental illness so vastly different?  Why is someone labeled as "crazy" or "disturbed" because of an imbalance of chemicals in their brain?  Why is having depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, coping with self harm or suicidal thoughts so taboo?  Because people think that only "certain types" of people deal with those type of disorders?  Maybe putting it in a little perspective would help. When I went into first grade, I started having panic and anxiety att...
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24 weeks and a lot of thoughts...

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Well, here I am...24 weeks pregnant and looking happy.  Between rounds of crying...I AM happy.  I enjoy feeling Baby K's movements and taps.  I love feeling those things, but sometimes the reminder of the sweet baby growing inside me is more bitter than sweet.  I was talking with my mother the other night and I said, "With no fluid, I'm not supposed to feel the baby much if at all.  I've felt this baby move every day for over a week now.  That has to mean something good right???   I mean, if it doesn't mean something good, then it's all just a cruel joke and extremely unfair." Of course, as I've said before, I'm not giving up so long as there is a heartbeat to be seen and movement to be felt from this child.  I know that even if there is a 1:1,000,000 chance that there is still THAT chance that s/he could be fine.  However, the longer that I carry this sweet miracle, the more the reality settles in that I'll likely not ever see this child...
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I'm just "whelmed"

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If you've known me for very long at all, you know I'm not a great housekeeper.  I'm not a slob by any means, but we just have a LOT of STUFF and it's hard to control sometimes.  I started off this week with the best of intentions.  I was going to have the entire house organized by Friday. Um...yeah...  It has more turned into just moving things from one pile or box to another.  I know we're making progress somewhere, because these random empty boxes have shown up - but I'm just not seeing it. I really want to be able to have people over...and right now I just couldn't.  I mean, even those who really, REALLY love me and could look past the clutter I'd not want to come by right now. I want to be motivated to do it...but instead I just want to sit and do nothing.  I'm trying to just work in short spurts...it just feels like it's never going to get done, you know?  I really wish I were one of those naturally neat people.  Not to the poi...
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