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24 weeks and a lot of thoughts...

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Well, here I am...24 weeks pregnant and looking happy.  Between rounds of crying...I AM happy.  I enjoy feeling Baby K's movements and taps.  I love feeling those things, but sometimes the reminder of the sweet baby growing inside me is more bitter than sweet.  I was talking with my mother the other night and I said, "With no fluid, I'm not supposed to feel the baby much if at all.  I've felt this baby move every day for over a week now.  That has to mean something good right???   I mean, if it doesn't mean something good, then it's all just a cruel joke and extremely unfair." Of course, as I've said before, I'm not giving up so long as there is a heartbeat to be seen and movement to be felt from this child.  I know that even if there is a 1:1,000,000 chance that there is still THAT chance that s/he could be fine.  However, the longer that I carry this sweet miracle, the more the reality settles in that I'll likely not ever see this child...
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Mental Illness is Just That...Illness

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I'm just "whelmed"

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If you've known me for very long at all, you know I'm not a great housekeeper.  I'm not a slob by any means, but we just have a LOT of STUFF and it's hard to control sometimes.  I started off this week with the best of intentions.  I was going to have the entire house organized by Friday. Um...yeah...  It has more turned into just moving things from one pile or box to another.  I know we're making progress somewhere, because these random empty boxes have shown up - but I'm just not seeing it. I really want to be able to have people over...and right now I just couldn't.  I mean, even those who really, REALLY love me and could look past the clutter I'd not want to come by right now. I want to be motivated to do it...but instead I just want to sit and do nothing.  I'm trying to just work in short spurts...it just feels like it's never going to get done, you know?  I really wish I were one of those naturally neat people.  Not to the poi...
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