YOU don't make me cry
It seems like since we lost Kaidi that the number of couple friends we have to regularly spend time with has SERIOUSLY diminished. I don't know if it's just that people are busy, or if there is more to it.
*Please keep in mind that this post might seem irrational or silly, but it is a very real feeling to me and I need to get it out. I ask for no judging, just understanding. :) *
Dear Couples that we either have tried to get together with or would like to get together with:
I don't want to put words in your mouth or assume feelings that aren't there, but my biggest fear is that you don't spend time with us because of me. Whether it's that you don't know what to say, that you are afraid you'll upset me, or that you are just uncomfortable with what has happened in our lives - I'm not sure, but I wanted to address those areas just in case.
"I don't know what to say..." - Well, you don't really have to SAY anything. I know you care. If you didn't care you wouldn't be my friend. If you feel like you have to say something, but don't want to hear a full account, just say something to the affect of, "We've been thinking about you/praying for you/are here for you." That by itself is enough. I don't expect more than that. I know it's awkward, and you might even be worried that you're going to sound stupid or something - trust me, you won't.
"I don't want to upset them..." - Okay, let me be clear. YOU do not upset us. The fact that our daughter died is what upsets us. If we get quiet or even a little teary when we talk, it's not because of anything you say or don't say. It's the fact that she's gone, or a memory that pops up, or any number of other things that are NOT your fault.
"I'm just uncomfortable being around them now that they've gone through this..." - We're the same people. We may not laugh quite as much, may look a bit more worn for the wear, or have a bit different views on life events, but we're still the same old Jeff and Tara. We still love to have fun, to laugh, to be there for others, to talk, to listen, to live life. We intentionally had to shut down for a while because it was the only way we could survive, but we don't want to lose you. We're okay with you not being able to talk about Kaidi or about her death. If you can't, you can't. It's not offensive, and quite honestly, we don't bring it up much. The only time it comes up is if one of us is having a particularly bad day and is asked what's wrong. Don't be afraid of us. We are still US.
*Please keep in mind that this post might seem irrational or silly, but it is a very real feeling to me and I need to get it out. I ask for no judging, just understanding. :) *
Dear Couples that we either have tried to get together with or would like to get together with:
I don't want to put words in your mouth or assume feelings that aren't there, but my biggest fear is that you don't spend time with us because of me. Whether it's that you don't know what to say, that you are afraid you'll upset me, or that you are just uncomfortable with what has happened in our lives - I'm not sure, but I wanted to address those areas just in case.
"I don't know what to say..." - Well, you don't really have to SAY anything. I know you care. If you didn't care you wouldn't be my friend. If you feel like you have to say something, but don't want to hear a full account, just say something to the affect of, "We've been thinking about you/praying for you/are here for you." That by itself is enough. I don't expect more than that. I know it's awkward, and you might even be worried that you're going to sound stupid or something - trust me, you won't.
"I don't want to upset them..." - Okay, let me be clear. YOU do not upset us. The fact that our daughter died is what upsets us. If we get quiet or even a little teary when we talk, it's not because of anything you say or don't say. It's the fact that she's gone, or a memory that pops up, or any number of other things that are NOT your fault.
"I'm just uncomfortable being around them now that they've gone through this..." - We're the same people. We may not laugh quite as much, may look a bit more worn for the wear, or have a bit different views on life events, but we're still the same old Jeff and Tara. We still love to have fun, to laugh, to be there for others, to talk, to listen, to live life. We intentionally had to shut down for a while because it was the only way we could survive, but we don't want to lose you. We're okay with you not being able to talk about Kaidi or about her death. If you can't, you can't. It's not offensive, and quite honestly, we don't bring it up much. The only time it comes up is if one of us is having a particularly bad day and is asked what's wrong. Don't be afraid of us. We are still US.
(((HUGS))) I love that you post your feelings so candidly. You have helped me more than you know, with admitting my feelings with the ones around me that I love and with getting the help that I need. Never give up! Your on my mind a lot and even if we have never met in real life I consider you a close friend!
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