I just don't wanna do it

This afternoon Jeff and I are going to the cemetery with my dad to order Kaidance's headstone.  I know it has to be done and it will help bring closure, but dangit I do NOT want to do this.  Our stinking due date would have been this Wednesday.  We should be making sure the hospital bag is packed and that Kamden has people to watch him...making last minute additions and adjustments to the nursery, picking out a "coming home outfit".


Instead, today we decide what style and type of stone, font and picture we want on our daughter's headstone - the PERMANENT and blatantly obvious reminder that she really is gone.


I'm still feeling phantom kicks at night and just cry and pray them away.  A new phenomenon has started, and I'm actually curious if any other moms who have lost their baby suddenly have experienced it.  When I see a newborn or read about a baby being born, my body starts the exact same type of pains as when I was contracting before I knew I was in labor.  Maybe I'm just crazy.

.In the middle of getting ready to pick out this headstone and deal with her due date, a page I follow on facebook posted the following picture today.  It reminded me that while I am resting in Jesus' arms, Kaidi is snuggling there too...

Comments

  1. On My Mind 24/7July 11, 2011 at 12:24 PM

    I'm so sorry you have to pick out a headstone. No mother should have to do that. Have you gone back to Babycenter? I know they have an infant loss group where you could find tons of mothers who are going through the same thing. I pray for you often and wish I lived closer for a shoulder to cry on. (((Hugs)))

    ReplyDelete
  2. HillaryJuly 11, 2011 at 2:19 PM

    I hope and pray that today goes by quickly for you. I know how hard it is to go and do this sort of thing but it will be such a relief once its done and you have it behind you.

    I pray that God gives you the strength and peace to get through the day as you pick out a tribute to your beautiful little girl!

    Lots of love today!

    xoxox

    ReplyDelete

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