Koopman Kraziness

Okay, so we went to the geneticist today.  I sat in the waiting room and just shook.  I figured we couldn't get worse news than we already have had but just the presence of the doctor intimidates and upsets me.  Surprisingly the tech AND doctor were much nicer today and more positive in general.  It was a wonderful surprise in and of itself. We started the ultrasound with all the basics - Baby's arm and leg measurements, head circumfrence (oh which by the way is no longer elongated and "smooshed" but is perfectly round) and the tech tried for all she was worth to get a clear shot of baby's nether region to verify gender.  Baby K was sleeping so the more the tech shook that area to try and get him/her to uncross the legs, the tighter they were crossed.  (Definitely my stubbornness showing through!)  She made the comment that she thought she'd gotten all that she could from the baby at this point and put away the ultrasound wand.  Jeff bowed his ...

Well, here I am...24 weeks pregnant and looking happy.  Between rounds of crying...I AM happy.  I enjoy feeling Baby K's movements and taps.  I love feeling those things, but sometimes the reminder of the sweet baby growing inside me is more bitter than sweet.  I was talking with my mother the other night and I said, "With no fluid, I'm not supposed to feel the baby much if at all.  I've felt this baby move every day for over a week now.  That has to mean something good right???   I mean, if it doesn't mean something good, then it's all just a cruel joke and extremely unfair." Of course, as I've said before, I'm not giving up so long as there is a heartbeat to be seen and movement to be felt from this child.  I know that even if there is a 1:1,000,000 chance that there is still THAT chance that s/he could be fine.  However, the longer that I carry this sweet miracle, the more the reality settles in that I'll likely not ever see this child...

You know, from everything I've read online and with all that the doctors tell me, when you have extremely low or "no measurable fluid" you don't feel your baby move, or that if you do, it's rare. Apparently Baby K never got that memo, because every day for the last 6 days now, I have felt this child move, roll, kick and punch inside of me. Thank you, Lord for the tiny reminder of your great grace and mercy.

I've mainly been posting to our kiddos blog lately so be sure to check over there too http://koopmankiddos.blogspot.com. Posts to come here soon!

I have the sweetest baby boy.  Well, he reminds me he's a "big little boy" almost daily, but he's my baby.  In all the chaos of the last couple of month, I've not posted about him.  He is my joy, my world and my life and he deserves to be talked about just as much as his little brother or sister. We had the chance to get out with Kamden today as a family and go to the park near the hospitals.  He had an amazing time playing at the park and feeding the ducks.  I'm so grateful for the blessing that he is to our family and to my heart.  After a hard day yesterday, he leaned up just enough to be able to stroke and pat my back, and tell me that he loves me and "it okay".  I am so, so blessed. "I runnin' runnin' " Feeding the ducks with Daddy "And I FROW IT!" "Auw you comin' Momma?"  "Is a DIGGER!"

The "excitement" started Monday with a trip to labor and delivery.  I was cramping and hadn't felt our baby move in almost 4 days.  (Know that with low/no fluid, this is "normal" but they still like to check if you are feeling less movement than normal.)  We got to the hospital, waited a bit and got into a room around 11pm.  After all the regular "checking in" questions, our nurse (a WONDERFUL woman named Paula) headed to get the doppler.  She assured me that if she didn't immediately get a good heart tone, she'd wheel in the ultrasound machine.  We got off lucky and our little angel was sleeping and didn't try to run from the doppler as it usually does.  Again, we got a good heart tone around 145bpm. She went ahead and hooked me up to the contraction monitors and said that while we waited for my urinalysis to come back, she'd just let me rest and see if anything came up on the monitor in that time.  Jeff and I watched 19 Kids and Cou...

...since we got even more bad news. 4 weeks had passed since we saw the geneticist and we returned for a re-evaluation on March 1st.  We were praying and believing that this time the doctor would be shocked by the change for the better that she would see, but unfortunately that wasn't the case.  I still can't fully wrap my head around everything that we were told, but in a lump sum, it was the following. - There is no measurable amniotic fluid surrounding the baby.  The few pockets they found that looked like they might be small fluid pockets turned out to be fulled with umbilical cord. - The baby's chest cavity is measuring smaller than the rest of his/her body.  Usually this is a strong indicator of non-growth of the lungs.  In addition, the heart is taking up more than a third of the chest cavity, where at this point it should take up no more than one-half.  This is also an indicator of poor lung development. - The baby's legs are compressed a...