Okay, fine, I get it.
**DISCLAIMER - This post is not intended to be directed at any one person. In fact, if you are reading this and wondering if it involves you, I can almost promise you that it's not related to you in any way. This is frustration and pent up aggression regarding lots of different conversations and comments from lots of different people stemming back almost a year now. I have to get it out. **
You've hinted at, joked about, and even flat out told me, though not in these specific words, that I am not the "ideal" mom and wife. You sent subtle "suggestions" about my being overweight and needing to get checked out so my husband would know what he was "dealing with". You've looked down on me and made assumptions about me because of my having diabetes. Without even taking the time to TRY to be educated about it, you've told me that it was my fault I was ever diagnosed. You have compared yourself and me where there was no need nor any room for comparison because the situations and people involved were so different. You've gotten mad at me for having opinions different than your own. You've been a friend, but made it a point to find a way to compare us and/or our children. You have, possibly without even knowing it, have gone out of your way to point out my faults and make yourself "higher" than I.
What hurts and frustrates me the most is that you knew then and know now that I have self esteem issues. That I tend to question myself on all things, but now more than ever, as a mom I do so even more. You knew that, know that, and feed off of it. Why, I'm not sure, but you do, and it hurts.
All I can do is push it away, confront it if possible, but realize that it may never change. I can continue to do what I see as my best and know that I can't do more than that. I can know that your expectations for me don't mean anything. My own mean the world.
but YOU need to know that I get it. I get that you think less of me. Why I don't get, and probably never will, but I cannot and WILL not waste my time and energy, nor that of my family to try and make myself what YOU think I should be. If that offends you, I'm sorry. You'll just have to deal with it.
You've hinted at, joked about, and even flat out told me, though not in these specific words, that I am not the "ideal" mom and wife. You sent subtle "suggestions" about my being overweight and needing to get checked out so my husband would know what he was "dealing with". You've looked down on me and made assumptions about me because of my having diabetes. Without even taking the time to TRY to be educated about it, you've told me that it was my fault I was ever diagnosed. You have compared yourself and me where there was no need nor any room for comparison because the situations and people involved were so different. You've gotten mad at me for having opinions different than your own. You've been a friend, but made it a point to find a way to compare us and/or our children. You have, possibly without even knowing it, have gone out of your way to point out my faults and make yourself "higher" than I.
What hurts and frustrates me the most is that you knew then and know now that I have self esteem issues. That I tend to question myself on all things, but now more than ever, as a mom I do so even more. You knew that, know that, and feed off of it. Why, I'm not sure, but you do, and it hurts.
All I can do is push it away, confront it if possible, but realize that it may never change. I can continue to do what I see as my best and know that I can't do more than that. I can know that your expectations for me don't mean anything. My own mean the world.
but YOU need to know that I get it. I get that you think less of me. Why I don't get, and probably never will, but I cannot and WILL not waste my time and energy, nor that of my family to try and make myself what YOU think I should be. If that offends you, I'm sorry. You'll just have to deal with it.
Good for you-I'll bet that felt good just to write it out! I know that people like to compare situations all the time, but know that yours, like each person's, is unique, and no, they have not walked in your shoes and never will. You hold your held high, girl. You are a great mamma, and a great wife! And don't let anyone tell you different!
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