Koopman Kraziness

I joined WW and haven't really been sticking to it.  I've GOT to.  This is a huge chance to have an amazing life turn around.  It's just a matter of will power.  I've been succeeding at getting my blood sugars under control and that was just a matter of deciding I was going to do it.  I can do this.  I GOT this. Tomorrow I start working out again at the gym.  Life got crazy on us and we stopped going in March or so, but got paid up today and I got my own membership so I can go when Jeff isn't home (since his new job starts on Monday!), so I thought the best way to start over would be new measurements. Bust: 47.75 Waist: 47.75 Hips: 54 Bicep: 14.75 Thigh: 27.5 Last Weigh in was on Monday: 264.8

Apparently I have control issues.  God keeps placing me in situations that cause me to HAVE to wait or not have ANY form of control.  First, we endured Kaidi's pregnancy, diagnosis, birth and death.  None of it was within my control in any way, form or fashion.  Now, a year later...  We're talking about trying for another baby. But can we just start trying like a normal couple?  Nope.  That'd be WAY to easy.  Here's what we have to do in order to be "cleared" to try. My OB/GYN, Psychiatrist, and Diabetic Specialist have to all agree that I'm okay to try. The OB has to determine that I've physically healed and that I'm not just wanting a baby for the sake of replacing Kaidi.  He also has to assess the extent of my endometriosis. The psychiatrist has to determine and feel that I'm emotionally stable and ready to start moving forward in that area of my life because it will mean weaning off of all medications that I'm on for depression and...

Granted, he has been for a month already, but I'm so stinking proud of my boy!  Soon we'll be starting our adventures in homeschooling and I can't wait!

I know I'm super behind on posts so I won't write a book, I'll just post some pictures.  Kamden loved Easter this year - especially since for the first time he understood the fun of the Easter Egg Hunt!  He got to do one at church and one at my parents' house.

For the first time in MONTHS I felt like getting out and doing things for fun with my boys.  We went to lunch where Kamden had his first ice cream cone.  Then we went to the Veteran's Memorial park here in town and to get gifts for Kaidi for tomorrow.  It was a good day with lots of laughs and good memories made. What I woke up to find in our bed.  Little relaxed? Ready to go for the day with new summer hair color! He bumped his head and told us he had to go to the hospital.  After telling him he'd be fine, he grabbed this and said he just needed, "slow, deep breafs"

I'm going to try to keep this as clear as possible but I'm so overwhelmed, in a good way, that I'm not totally sure how. Tonight marks one year to the day (not the date) that we said goodbye to Kaidi.  In all honesty, I dreaded today more than I did her actual birthday.  I guess because it is right before a major holiday, it will always more hit me that it was Sunday night, before Memorial Day.  Anyway, I'm getting off topic here. There are going to be details in this that are kind of going to make you go, "Did she really just say that???" but they are things we all do, so just know it goes with the big picture okay??? Anytime there is a major stressor or a big event in my life, you can bet that I change my hair color.  I don't know why I do it, but I do.  This week I attempted to go from almost a mahogany color to bleached blonde.  Don't try it.  Two bleaching sessions and a burned scalp later, my hair was basically just yellow.  SO, ab...

I don't really have the words to explain it...but today just HURTS.