How Quickly Things Change

I haven't written in a few months and I do apologize.  This year has been one of the busiest I ever remember having.

Let's start with the biggest news.  Jeff and I have divorced.  While it was inevitable, it is still difficult and is something we are both dealing with day by day.  Trying to find your new "normal" after eight and a half years is challenging at best.  We had been separated a year when the divorce finalized, but that next step is quite the doozie.

Nothing can prepare you for the floor of emotions.  You go into it thinking that you will feel relieved, maybe even excited, when things are final and the stress associated with the ending of it all is over.  Instead, you are faced with this ominous feeling of, "What do I do now?  Can I really support myself and my son?  It's been so long since I was single, what if I can't do it?"

If nothing else, it has taught me that I can't do more than take life a day at a time.  I just need to make sure today is taken care of.  Tomorrow will have plenty of its own worries.  Today is all that matters.

Kamden started the new year doing 4 therapies a week.  He now does physical therapy once a week, speech therapy twice a week, occupational therapy twice a week and behavioral therapy once a week.  His therapists all brag on how hard he works and they have given us different things to work on with him at home.

Earlier this week, Kamden and I met some friends for a playdate.  I told my friend, "S", that I never realize until I see Kamden playing side by side with a neurotypical child just how far we have to go.  I'm so grateful for and pleased with the progress he has made, and I do my best to focus on that alone, but at times it gets so discouraging.

He is still working on potty training.  That alone is probably the most frustrating.  He does fantastic with peeing in the potty.  He needs to be reminded once an hour to take a break from what he is doing to go to the bathroom, but when he's reminded he goes consistently and stays dry.  Learning to poop in the potty is another beast all together.  He will consistently tell us he needs to be changed when he's finished, but he doesn't get the "aha moment" that tells him he needs to go.  Some days it is so frustrating that it becomes downright maddening...but all we can do is keep trying.  Some day it's going to click.

I am preparing for a licensing exam to be a pharmacy technician so that I can support Kamden and I while I am still in school.  I will be taking the exam April 17th and hopefully soon after will be able to secure a job as a pharmacy technician.  I'm excited to be financially independent, but I'm more excited to have health insurance again.  (You know you're an adult when....)

I am still attending school and should graduate with my Associate's degree in Biology this fall.  I am working hard to get all the needed classes out of the way and then will transfer to WTA&MU in the spring of the following year.  Chemistry is a humbling experience for me, let me tell you.  I have never had more trouble in a class.  I'm determined to do well, but sometimes the Chemistry Gods have other ideas about me.

I am working part time as a tutor for the college and part time as a housekeeper.  I'm hoping that with the pharmacy license I will be able to do the cleanings just as a help to those I am working for now and not be so dependent on it for actual income.  It's been a blessing and I am so grateful.  I just hope I can get to where I am working one job rather than two.

Once a month, I plan to add in goals for Kamden and myself and will update the following month on how things went.  It should be kind of nice to see a timeline of events and how they have progressed.

Tara's Goals

1. Get back into the gym three days a week.
2. Have a successful Autism Walk (April 11th)
3. Successfully test for pharmacy tech license
4. Survive Chemistry with a B

Kamden's Goals

1. Have a great birthday party!
2. Keep earning marbles for doing work around the house.
3. Keep potty training