I Hate Waiting For Permission

Apparently I have control issues.  God keeps placing me in situations that cause me to HAVE to wait or not have ANY form of control.  First, we endured Kaidi's pregnancy, diagnosis, birth and death.  None of it was within my control in any way, form or fashion.  Now, a year later...  We're talking about trying for another baby. But can we just start trying like a normal couple?  Nope.  That'd be WAY to easy.  Here's what we have to do in order to be "cleared" to try.


  1. My OB/GYN, Psychiatrist, and Diabetic Specialist have to all agree that I'm okay to try.
    1. The OB has to determine that I've physically healed and that I'm not just wanting a baby for the sake of replacing Kaidi.  He also has to assess the extent of my endometriosis.
    2. The psychiatrist has to determine and feel that I'm emotionally stable and ready to start moving forward in that area of my life because it will mean weaning off of all medications that I'm on for depression and PTSD.
    3. The diabetic doctor has to determine and agree that my Hemoglobin A1C level is at or below the acceptable level for trying to conceive (7.0 or lower) and that it stays there for at least 3 months. (Some require 6 months.)
  2. If all agree, I then have to start the weaning process from my anti-depression medications.  I've recently learned that it's considered a narcotic level drug and takes an average of 6-12 months for people to wean off of.  No anti-depressant medications are allowed during the first trimester, so until I am completely and totally weaned off, I can't even begin to try.
  3. I assume that after I'm weaned they will want to give a certain amount of time to make sure I'm not a risk to myself (this may be even more so since I've been on this medication for about 8 years).  
I don't mean to complain.  I know that at some point in the future I'll be able to try for my bring home baby again.  I know there are couples out there who for one reason or another are unable to have children of their own, and I don't want to seem like I'm diminishing that in the least...  I just don't quite understand why God keeps gently allowing us to go through things that are so completely out of our control.  I truly don't feel like I have a problem submitting to His will, but maybe I'm wrong.  In fact, I almost have to be.  Otherwise, we'd not still be going through the learning process.  

All I am able to do is:
  1. work on losing weight
  2. pray a lot...LOT...LOT...
  3. keep taking my shots and monitoring my sugars like I need to be
  4. wait...
I'm so stinking tired of waiting.  It's hard to be an adult and not even be able to control when I'm able to try to have my own children.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Best and Worst Night Ever

Image
We left for our church's annual Memorial Day cookout around 5:30 on Sunday afternoon, May 29th.  I was having a few strange pains when we got there, but it was over 100 degrees so I thought that I was possibly getting dehydrated again since I'd just gotten out of the hospital late the night before.  We spent about an hour there before I told Jeff that I just didn't feel well and thought we should go home.  I was continuing to have the pains, however now going to the bathroom wasn't helping them get any better. We got home around 7:30 and I drank some water and laid on my left side.  That way, if I were having false labor, the contractions would stop, and hopefully I'd curb any dehydration that was starting on me again.  Laying down helped things for about an hour and a half.  Around 9:15, I told Jeff I thought we ought to call Dr. S., just in case he wanted me to be observed or something.  After talking with him, we decided to force fluids and wait o...
Read more

I Blame Wisconsin

Image
Okay, being that I haven't lived in Wisconsin in over 3 years, I can't really say that I can place blame there.  I got a letter from my primary care doctor's office this week and was told that my bad cholesterol is high.  I am doing my best to not beat myself up but to not foo foo it away as nothing.  I only need to bring it down about 20 points, so I know it could be way worse.  I know that the first thing everyone thinks of is fatty foods, dairy overload or something similar but after reading up on it, I found out that stress can cause it to rise too.  Apparently when highly stressed, the body doesn't break down foods as well and can cause cholesterol issues. So, in addition to changes in my diet, I'm going to attempt to "de-stress" my life. I know that being stress free is impossible as there are both good and bad stressors we face daily, but there are things I can change to make things less stressful for me. Things like: Asking for help Gett...
Read more

New Goals

Hey, it's never bad to readjust your focus, right? 3 month goals (June 2014) - Drop into the 2teens rather than the 230's - Run in the Amarillo Color Run - Work out 5 x a week - Complete Spring semester with all A's 6 month goals (September 2014) - Drop to 200 or less - Build up AdvoCare business - Be in a better place mentally and emotionally - Finish Summer semesters with all A's - Get Kamden into school 9 month goals (December 2014 - my birthday!!!) - Be a member of One-derland (for you non-weight loss fanatics, this just means to be in the 100's) - Be financially stable - Finish Fall Semester with all A's... (seeing a trend here..?)
Read more