Koopman Kraziness

Here we go... Gym 2x  1x Finish current book Take psych test - I'm close to doing it!  About 8 pages left to read and then just studying! Clean house enough to start weekly cleaning schedule on Monday Finish the church calendars for February Update church website Grocery store Get keyless entry fixed for my car Pay bills Post items for sale to ebay Take papers to recycling  Take clothes to goodwill

It seems like emotional pain is WAY more taboo than it has to be.  Our society isn't sure how to respond to it because it makes them uncomfortable.  In turn, it makes the person going through the pain uncomfortable as well. Speaking from that side of things, I can assure you that while I seem consumed by our grief and pain, the last thing any person going through a hard emotional ordeal wants is to make anyone else feel uncomfortable or even have to feel what the outskirts of that pain is like.  In fact, I do whatever I can to shield you from it because I don't want to ever have to know someone else went through or is going through the same thing.  Yes, I have bad days where you get a glimpse of where I am and what life is like, but for the most part I never show it and you will never see. That place is sacred.  Dark and painful, yes, but it's the place where I remember in vivid detail who my daughter was.  The emotions are raw and gut-wrenching, bu...

Go the gym 3 times this week - It WILL happen! Finish "RED" by Ted Dekker Have two lunch dates - have one scheduled for both Wednesday and Friday Start job searching for part time work Get appointment made with an endocrinologist Get nails redone Take my Module 2, Test 1 for my Psychology plan

I'm still working on it, slowly but surely. I could not even tell you how many half used deodorants I have found around here.  Glad to have one more used up!  I didn't actually use up THIS bottle, but I did use up another.

Make it to the gym three times. (So far I've made it once, but I'm hoping to go tonight as well) Get back to averaging 2 miles on my run (Almost there!  Last run was 1.95!) Read two more books toward my yearly goal of 100 books (Um yeah...didn't even finish one.) Get bows made and posted to the website Keep the house clean enough to have company drop by and not be embarrassed (DID IT!) Start working some with Kamden on his PreK work (at least 2 days) Take 1-2 Psychology tests (Working on the reading)

Let's see what we got did... Get the house completely cleaned and organized! Monday -  Kitchen and dining room Tuesday - Living room and entry hall Wednesday - Kamden's room Thursday - Master Bedroom (this may be bumped by a day as I may be working) Friday - Bathrooms (All of these things got done, but it was all in one day...TODAY) Get Christmas totes back to storage Get into the gym  three   two  one time - I made 2 of my 3 days.  Jeff was at drill all day today and I spent the day cleaning.  That counts as a workout, right? Take measurements/weight progression Finish reading current book and read at least one more - I'm about 5 chapters away from finishing my second book, so I'm going to go ahead and cross this one off too.

Last Month's Measurements were: Neck: 14.5 Bust: 46 Waist: 45.5 Hips: 52.5 Thigh: 27.;5 Calf: 18 Wrist: 7 Forearm: 10.75 Bicep: 15 Weight: 257 This Month: Neck: 14 Bust: 44 Waist: 44 Hips: 53 Thigh: 26.75 Calf: 17:5 Wrist: 6.5 Forearm: 10.5 Bicep: 14.5 Neck: -.5 Bust: -1 Waist - 1.5 Hips +.5 Thigh -.75 Calf -.5 Wrist -.5 Forearm -.25 Bicep - .25 Total inches lost this month: - 4.75 That's a total of 15.25 inches in 3 months :)

If you've known me for very long at all, you know I'm not a great housekeeper.  I'm not a slob by any means, but we just have a LOT of STUFF and it's hard to control sometimes.  I started off this week with the best of intentions.  I was going to have the entire house organized by Friday. Um...yeah...  It has more turned into just moving things from one pile or box to another.  I know we're making progress somewhere, because these random empty boxes have shown up - but I'm just not seeing it. I really want to be able to have people over...and right now I just couldn't.  I mean, even those who really, REALLY love me and could look past the clutter I'd not want to come by right now. I want to be motivated to do it...but instead I just want to sit and do nothing.  I'm trying to just work in short spurts...it just feels like it's never going to get done, you know?  I really wish I were one of those naturally neat people.  Not to the poi...

After two long weeks, we went back to the gym tonight. *steps onto soap box* I am all for resolutions to lose weight.  I'm happy for those who get into the gym and stick with it.  I'm irritated by people who sign up for a membership and two weeks in NEVER GO BACK.  The machines were mostly full, but thankfully there is a small section of elliptical machines off to one side that most people don't notice.  My dad went with Jeff and I tonight and saw me walking over to them (which I never do...) and asked why I was headed that way.  Evidently I have gotten a bit more blunt (if you know me IRL, please feel free to laugh loudly at that last comment) than I used to be, because I flat out said, "I don't want to mix in with people who are faking it.  I can guarantee you that in two to three weeks, 85% of these people won't be here.  I'm here and I'm serious about what I'm doing." *steps off of soap box* Okay, now, I've been there, done that. ...

I recently got several heartfelt pictures sent to me and wanted to share them with you.  I want to also include links for these ladies. First, is Kaidance's name in the stars by Amanda.  This link is for her facebook page and other memorial items she does.  Thank you so much for immortalizing my Kaidi in the stars. Next is from a dear friend I've made because of loss.  Erin lost her precious baby boy, Christian, to Potters Syndrome about a month before we lost Kaidi.  (You can read about her journey here ) She has been a wealth of strength for me as I've continued to read her blog and see her progress since April.  I never told her how badly I wanted Kaidi's name written in the sand...so I know God dropped it into her heart...  Erin, I am forever grateful.  Thank you for reminding me you "get it".

It seems like since we lost Kaidi that the number of couple friends we have to regularly spend time with has SERIOUSLY diminished.  I don't know if it's just that people are busy, or if there is more to it. *Please keep in mind that this post might seem irrational or silly, but it is a very real feeling to me and I need to get it out.  I ask for no judging, just understanding.  :) * Dear Couples that we either have tried to get together with or would like to get together with: I don't want to put words in your mouth or assume feelings that aren't there, but my biggest fear is that you don't spend time with us because of me.  Whether it's that you don't know what to say, that you are afraid you'll upset me, or that you are just uncomfortable with what has happened in our lives - I'm not sure, but I wanted to address those areas just in case. "I don't know what to say..." - Well, you don't really have to SAY anything.  I know y...

Get the house completely cleaned and organized! Monday - Kitchen and dining room Tuesday - Living room and entry hall Wednesday - Kamden's room Thursday - Master Bedroom (this may be bumped by a day as I may be working) Friday - Bathrooms Get Christmas totes back to storage Get into the gym three  two times Take measurements/weight progression Finish reading current book and read at least one more