Koopman Kraziness

Dear Kaidi, I remember when I was younger and would hear that something was 6 months away or 6 months ago that it seemed like such and unbelievably LONG time.  Well, exactly 6 months and 18 minutes ago, you were born, and it seems like a week ago.   Do you know that by now, you'd be cutting teeth, trying to crawl or having us chase you as you crawled your way to independence and be rolling all over the place?  Of course you don't know that...  Where you are, you're already running, dancing, leaping and skipping all over the place.  You know no pain, and while I thank God for that, my heart still holds an enormous hole.  I miss you so much and I still carry the guilt with me every moment that I wasn't able to save you.   I know that your story is touching the lives of people I could have never imagined it would, and that definitely helps ease the pain...but I'm still so mad.  I don't want to be mad, and I know you wouldn't want me to be, but I c...

*DISCLAIMER: This will not be a happy read.  This will be another of those blunt, raw blog posts that I just let my fingers do the walking on.  I'm not even entirely sure what the full post will contain nor how long it will be.  PLEASE, if you can't handle raw emotion, close out of this post.  There will be no sparkly unicorns farting rainbows, burping sunshine or sneezing glitter here today.* Okay, take a good long look at the above picture.  That thin strand in the middle?  That's where I feel like I've been teetering for about 2 months now.  I have it in perfect balance right now but the slightest movement forward or backward and it will snap and to the left or the right, I'll crash to the ground.  It's been just shy of six months since my diagnosis of PTSD, and I've learned a lot of things in that time that you don't normally get told when you are in the office.   For example...for about 6 weeks, every night from 9:30 to 10:45 I would ...

The spread - Thanks to Momma, Gramoo and my efforts it was a NICE day! Chow down, big boy! My beautiful Grandmother and I We love him so much - but he was a little distracted by the Packers' Game Happy Thanksgiving from the Koopman Family!

Okay, the last measurements I could find on here that I'd taken were more than a year ago...but I'm going off of them because my weight was the same at that time. Original Measurements: Waist: 49in Bust: 50in Hips: 55 in Thigh: 29.5 in Arm: 14 inches Neck: 15 inches New Measurements: Waist: 45.25in Bust: 47in Hips: 53in Thigh: 28in Calf: 17.5in Arm(Bicep): 15.5in (I assume and hope from muscle?) Arm(Forearm): 10.5 Wrist: 7in Neck: 14.5in Total Inch difference: Waist: -3.75in Bust: -3in Hips: -2in Bicep: +1.5 Neck: -.5 Total Inches lost: 9.25 I've got a ticker that's keeping track of my weight loss, but I'm trying to not focus on that as much as inches right now.  I'll do measurements again in 2 weeks and then will do them monthly only (on the first).

I never in my wildest dreams thought that a mere 5 months after having lost sweet Kaidi that I would start to see part of the reason behind the "why?" that has plagued me since first finding out that something was potentially wrong with her. Two days ago, a family that I have been friends with for literally as long as I can remember lost their youngest daughter in a tragic car accident.  The entire family, but especially the mother, have been such a huge support, not only with prayers, but with hugs, listening ears, and tears shed silently when there were no words to be spoken.  As soon as I got the call from my dad about their daughter, something inside me literally felt like it was on fire.  As much as I'd never wanted to say to another mom, "I know how you feel right now" I wanted, no, I needed to be there with her.  I needed to hold her like she'd held me, even if it was to say nothing.  Even if all I could do was cry with her. You see, not only does...

Working on the pattern About halfway done My little Charlie Brown!