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Showing posts from April, 2011

It's Gotta Stop

I have repeatedly said that I feel guilty over this whole situation.  What I haven't openly admitted to, until tonight, is that I have turned that guilt inward and been punishing myself.  No one who knows me personally jump up and call me when you read this or call 911 - I've not tried to physically harm myself.  At least not by cutting or abusing pills or drink.  Not by any conventional means.  The only way I could think of to "punish" myself, was by not taking care of myself. For those who do not know, I'm diabetic.  I am considered a Type II Diabetic however, unlike most Type II's my age, I'm solely on insulin injections rather than oral medication or control by diet and exercise only.  Initially I was put on insulin injections because I became pregnant with Kamden, and the oral medication that I was prescribed was not safe for pregnancy.  After delivering, we opted that I continue injections rather than go back on the oral meds, because m...

Easter 2011

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It's almost a week late, but I HAVE to get in a good Easter post.  We had a crazy week leading up to Easter and an even crazier weekend prior to that day, but our Easter was amazing. We had a great service, dinner and egg hunt for the kids of our church and were so blessed to be around friends and family we love. There's not much "word-wise" to say, but I think the story can be told well in pictures.  My gorgeous Grandma and I  One tired little man, but ready to eat and hunt!   My sweet men - Kamden and Jeff   Can't tell me Kamden doesn't look like both sides of the family!  My wonderful parents The eggs before the kids were cut loose! So proud of his loot!

Today we saw the OB...

I was so thankful...  Apparently all the notes had been sent to him as well.  I was under the impression that only the genetics specialist would be sent the results of last week's MRI, and that I was going to have to recap everything.  Praise the Lord that it wasn't the case at all. As always he came in with a sympathetic smile and a hug, greeted Jeff and my mother and gave a high-five to Kamden who then informed him that he couldn't give him another one because he was "busy working on this abacus".  He asked how I was doing and the only response I could muster up was a monotone, "Not good..." Jeff started to tell him what we'd found out in Dallas and he stopped him and just nodded with a quiet, "It's okay...I know."  After several minutes of hushed talking, he told us he thought it best that we see Dr. H. again and keep her in the loop on everything and have her make the call on any move forward we make.  Jeff asked him (because I ...

This could not be more relevant than it is now.

WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL by David Wilkerson | April 27, 2011 To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29). Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed. Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening. That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.” Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “P...
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Lots of new posts on the Koopman Kiddos Blog - I'd really encourage you to check it out...  It's pretty much all that's going on in our life right now.

I forgot to add...

Something hit me at midnight last night. Well, two things. 1) Kamden is three! 2) I had to make the choice to let my child die on the same day that God had to choose to let His son die.  I guess even though this Friday seems eternally long, I have to remember that Sunday will eventually come.

The big letdown

I wish that we could say that we were grateful for our trip to Dallas, and I guess in some strange way we are, but it definitely didn't go as we hoped. I didn't sleep much on Wednesday night in anticipation of the appointment the next morning, but laid awake praying and enjoying the kicks and taps that I got to feel in my sleepless hours. Jeff and I rose around 6:30 and got up for the hot breakfast our hotel was so gracious to provide.  Luckily our hotel almost provided a shuttle free of charge to the hospital so we hopped the shuttle around 8 and headed to the appointment that changed our entire pregnancy. The MRI was pretty uneventful.  Baby K was calm enough that they were able to get all the shots they needed in less time than they expected and I had the opportunity to find out that I am, indeed, claustrophobic.  We had about a 30 minute wait while the doctor reviewed our images. Dr. T. was extremely nice from the first handshake.  She thanked us for taking...

Big "D" and extreme tiredness.

We made it! We got to the hotel about 8:30 pm and then the exhaustion hit.  I'm not sure if the intensity of the appointment has hit either of us yet and likely won't until we get to the hospital tomorrow.  We set up with the shuttle provided to leave at 8 am.  It's going to be a long day for sure, but we're excited to have answers.  Baby K even seems to know something "different" is going on.  The normal taps, kicks and jabs are more intense and frequent tonight than they have been before.  I keep telling myself that no matter what we are told tomorrow, we are still not going to give up until we see for ourselves that God is finished working.  It's not something I feel like I totally believe just yet when I say it, but I'm going to say it until it is ingrained in my heart and my mind. On that note, I am going to try to go to sleep now (I know...if you know me at all this is insane that I'm going to be this early) but I have a feeling I mig...

Mommy to a 3 year old (almost)

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While Kamden's birthday is actually on April 22nd, we had his birthday celebration this last weekend.  Between going to Dallas for our MRI and it falling the same weekend as Easter this year, we wanted to make sure that he got to enjoy his special time.  We had a fairly small get together at a park not far from our home, but we had such an amazing time and he's STILL on a high from it and reminds us which of his toys came from his "special big boy birfday party".  We'll be driving back Thursday evening from Dallas so we can spend the day with him on Friday for his birthday, and we are planning to take him to the local firehouse so that he can see all the trucks and meet the firefighters.  He's absolutely obsessed with fire trucks, so I think it will be a good time for him. Here are a few shots from this weekend...

The date is set and time is flying

Dr. H's office called early this week and we have a date set for the MRI.  We'll be leaving for Dallas on April 20th, will have the appointment at 9:30 on April 21st and will then be bee-lining it back for Amarillo for Kamden's 3rd birthday on the 22nd!  Starting this week, life will be INSANE for us through mid-summer. Next Saturday is Kamden's birthday party.  I know we're going to be super busy with the last minute planning, baking, etc for the next several days.  Also during that time, we'll be continuing to pack for the big move next month. Of course then is next weekend with the trip to Dallas and Kamden's actual big, special day.  We're hoping to take him to the firehouse to let him see all the trucks and fire fighters.  Saturday will have us preparing for Easter service at church and the dinner and Easter egg hunt afterward. The next week will have us (hopefully) finishing up packing while Jeff gets ready for finals for the semester.  H...

The Cry of My Heart Tonight

Baby K, I still don't know if you are Kellan or Kaidance... but regardless, this song applies.  I love you and I'm not giving up.  Please keep fighting.  Don't give up baby.  Please, don't give up. Mark Schultz  \ He's My Son I'm down on my knees again tonight I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right See there is a boy that needs Your help I've done all that I can do myself His mother is tired I'm sure You can understand Each night as he sleeps She goes in to hold his hand And she tries not to cry As the tears fill her eyes CHORUS: Can You hear me? Am I getting through tonight? Can You see him? Can You make him feel all right? If You can hear me Let me take his place somehow See, he's not just anyone He's my son Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep I dream of the boy he'd like to be I try to be strong and see him through But God who he needs right now is You Let him grow old Live life without this fear Wh...