I thought I was dealing with it okay.

I had a routine follow up with my OB on Thursday of last week.  There was nothing major done outside of the labwork for my quad-screening.  We listened to the heartbeat with the doppler and got a good solid beat in the mid 140's.  Dr. S. came in and simply said, "Well, how are we doing?" and the dam broke.  I smiled at first with just a hint of tears welling up and said, "Physically, I'm doing pretty well."  He walked over beside me and gently tapped my temple and said, "Just not so easy going up here, huh?"  I managed to not full on cry for a bit longer while we discussed what had gone on with the geneticist when we had seen her a few weeks before.  He asked me what she had told us, and I got flat out angry and spit back, "What DIDN'T she tell us, Dr. S?"  He looked down, tears in his eyes himself, and said, "I got the letter...and....wow.  That was a lot of information for anyone to have to hear and I'd hoped she didn't tell you everything at once."  After a bit more "shop talk" he asked me if there was anything he could do for me,  and I started to weep and just told him, "I'd love to sleep again, if you can make that happen.  I haven't slept much in the last two weeks."  He came up to me and just held me while I cried.  In part it was comforting but it also allowed the dam to completely burst open.  I started to shake and told him that all I had wanted this time around was to have a pregnancy I didn't have to worry through all the way to delivery with like I had the first time around.  He patted my back and told me to just keep taking this one a step at a time and after we made it through the next few appointments we'd figure out what to do to make life less stressful.  Before I left, he okayed for me to take Tylenol PM regularly to help me sleep as well as help with back pain, but he was worried that it might not help since the cause was situational and not true insomnia due to pregnancy.  My mother had gone to the appointment with us and asked him, "What GOOD things can you tell us so she has something to hold onto?"  He said that my weight, blood pressure and the baby's heart beat were all perfect and that in itself was a huge thing.  It didn't seem like a lot, but at this point, I'll take any and every little bit of hope I can hold onto.

We scheduled our next sonogram with the geneticist for March 1st at 2:20 CST.  We're still praying and believing that the fluid levels will be improved and all the parts that need to be there will have formed perfectly.  Please continue to pray for our family as you think to.  Jeff has been an amazing support and encouragement, but it's really beginning to take its toll on him as well.  The waiting is the hardest, and we don't want any current worries or "problems" to hinder our parenting to our first miracle child.