Whew...
First, I'd like to apologize for my lack of posting. It's been a very emotional month and I've not been dealing with it as well as I'd like to make everyone think I have been.
I will make a disclaimer before going any further so that if you aren't in a state of mind to read negative/sad things, you might want to skip this post. I'm doing my best to maintain a positive outlook and don't mean this post to be a gripe list, but I do want to let all know what is going on.
The first of the month started with a bang...literally. Jeff's unit was hit by a mortar attack while we were talking over video chat. Thank God, Jeff was/is unharmed despite a mortar landing 30 feet from his room and sending a direct hit to an adjacent room. It made for many sleepless nights for not only Jeff but for me as well. We know that God is in control and keeping him safe, but an incident like this definitely puts our mortality into perspective.
My dad went to a Nephrologist on the 7th and was diagnosed with Stage 1 kidney failure. There are steps he can take to prolong the life of his kidneys, and we are believing for his full and complete healing. If God chooses to not intervene, we are looking at the possibility of his being on dialysis within 7 years. At this point, he says he would opt out of that form of treatment.
The 16th, my father-in-law underwent surgery to remove cancer. Thankfully all was contained in what was removed, but again, another stress added and another reminder of how short our lives really are.
Perhaps the hardest and most gut wrenching for me has been the decision to indefinitely put off having more children. Jeff and I discussed it some in the last week and it only caused tension and upset, so at this point, the plan is for two or so years out, or longer, and I've made the decision to not bring it up at all. The decision for more now lies with Jeff. I know there will be a lot of adjustments he has to make after getting home from deployment and only he will know when he's adjusted and ready. It breaks my heart to have changed from 6 months after, to one year, now to two years or longer, but I'm trying to remember that God has a plan...and just because I don't know what it is, doesn't mean it isn't perfect. I've started praying for the desire to have another baby to be completely removed from me...and it hurts more than I could have imagined, but it hurts more to long for one and know it's not what my husband wants at this point. I'm doing what I can to just enjoy Kamden and think about the reunion with Jeff that will come soon...
I will make a disclaimer before going any further so that if you aren't in a state of mind to read negative/sad things, you might want to skip this post. I'm doing my best to maintain a positive outlook and don't mean this post to be a gripe list, but I do want to let all know what is going on.
The first of the month started with a bang...literally. Jeff's unit was hit by a mortar attack while we were talking over video chat. Thank God, Jeff was/is unharmed despite a mortar landing 30 feet from his room and sending a direct hit to an adjacent room. It made for many sleepless nights for not only Jeff but for me as well. We know that God is in control and keeping him safe, but an incident like this definitely puts our mortality into perspective.
My dad went to a Nephrologist on the 7th and was diagnosed with Stage 1 kidney failure. There are steps he can take to prolong the life of his kidneys, and we are believing for his full and complete healing. If God chooses to not intervene, we are looking at the possibility of his being on dialysis within 7 years. At this point, he says he would opt out of that form of treatment.
The 16th, my father-in-law underwent surgery to remove cancer. Thankfully all was contained in what was removed, but again, another stress added and another reminder of how short our lives really are.
Perhaps the hardest and most gut wrenching for me has been the decision to indefinitely put off having more children. Jeff and I discussed it some in the last week and it only caused tension and upset, so at this point, the plan is for two or so years out, or longer, and I've made the decision to not bring it up at all. The decision for more now lies with Jeff. I know there will be a lot of adjustments he has to make after getting home from deployment and only he will know when he's adjusted and ready. It breaks my heart to have changed from 6 months after, to one year, now to two years or longer, but I'm trying to remember that God has a plan...and just because I don't know what it is, doesn't mean it isn't perfect. I've started praying for the desire to have another baby to be completely removed from me...and it hurts more than I could have imagined, but it hurts more to long for one and know it's not what my husband wants at this point. I'm doing what I can to just enjoy Kamden and think about the reunion with Jeff that will come soon...
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