Been doing some thinking today..
If you knew me in high school very well at all, you might remember that I was insanely driven about pursuing a career in professional singing. I went to Colorado on Fall Break my junior year and cut a three track demo. When I graduated, I had already received a couple of scholarships based on music and singing. I went into my first semester of college gung ho and excited to train and continue to pursue my dream. For a music major, the first semester of Freshman year is a full load of music courses with little time for core classes. By the end of my first semester I felt burned out and I gave up. When I chose to take the second semester off, I couldn't have imagined how things would change in my mentality.
My junior year of high school, about 6 months after cutting the demo I tried out for Show Choir. I'd tried out every year, but I really thought that for my Senior year's audition, I had nailed it. One of the judges was a band director(not from our school), and I specifically remember him laughing at me after my audition. I'd gone back down to sit down and he laughed at me then to a man sitting beside him said, "I don't know why some people even BOTHER trying out here." I tried ignoring it, but that comment stuck with me and there are times even know that I can hear him saying it.
But, I digress...
When I took the semester off, my entire perspective changed. I used the excuse of "well, I didn't want to sing opera" as the reason for declaring a different major. Granted, opera wasn't my favorite, but I was quite good at it and really, I thought it was kind of fun. The truth is, I quit because I couldn't handle another person telling me I wasn't good enough. Not when I'd busted my butt and never seen it pay off. I'd competed in church competitions and received awards, gone to state solo contests twice in high school, but the reality is the negative comments really do hang in there harder than the positive. I don't care how positive of a person you are, the negative comments will eventually get to you in SOME respect, whether you want to admit it or not.
The old desires to pursue singing have started to surface again. I look at it now those and think, "Now really, how logical would it be to follow that dream?" I haven't regularly practiced in years. I have a one year old son who at this point is solely dependent on me since Jeff is gone for 12-18 months and I don't have the financial means to cut a new demo or even travel to where I'd need to cut one.
I guess the biggest question I have is, why, do you think, the desires would resurface after so long when it's so impractical? Any ideas?
My junior year of high school, about 6 months after cutting the demo I tried out for Show Choir. I'd tried out every year, but I really thought that for my Senior year's audition, I had nailed it. One of the judges was a band director(not from our school), and I specifically remember him laughing at me after my audition. I'd gone back down to sit down and he laughed at me then to a man sitting beside him said, "I don't know why some people even BOTHER trying out here." I tried ignoring it, but that comment stuck with me and there are times even know that I can hear him saying it.
But, I digress...
When I took the semester off, my entire perspective changed. I used the excuse of "well, I didn't want to sing opera" as the reason for declaring a different major. Granted, opera wasn't my favorite, but I was quite good at it and really, I thought it was kind of fun. The truth is, I quit because I couldn't handle another person telling me I wasn't good enough. Not when I'd busted my butt and never seen it pay off. I'd competed in church competitions and received awards, gone to state solo contests twice in high school, but the reality is the negative comments really do hang in there harder than the positive. I don't care how positive of a person you are, the negative comments will eventually get to you in SOME respect, whether you want to admit it or not.
The old desires to pursue singing have started to surface again. I look at it now those and think, "Now really, how logical would it be to follow that dream?" I haven't regularly practiced in years. I have a one year old son who at this point is solely dependent on me since Jeff is gone for 12-18 months and I don't have the financial means to cut a new demo or even travel to where I'd need to cut one.
I guess the biggest question I have is, why, do you think, the desires would resurface after so long when it's so impractical? Any ideas?
I think there are times that we all have those "What if" thoughts. We wonder how our lives would have/could have turned out. Not that that doesn't mean you can't persue singing again, you still can if you really want to. Sometimes we just must come to peace with the paths we have chosen and not beat ourselves up over what we coulda woulda shoulda done. Hope that makes sense.
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