Koopman Kraziness

Okay, you are all my witnesses. I, Tara Koopman, being of mostly sound mind and body, do solemnly swear that from this day forward I will modify my diabetic care to create the most optimum life for myself, my family and my future children. I will not eat what I want just because I can "take a shot for it" and I will check my blood sugars as directed and take injections as directed. My life is my responsibility and expecting people to feel sorry for me because I am diabetic is stupid and unreasonable. I will stop using diabetes as a crutch or a tool to manipulate myself into believing I can't do things or to manipulate others into coddling me. From today (8/30/2011) things have to be, and will be different. A shockingly high blood sugar level combined with the news that the nephew of a dear friend had to lose part of his foot do amputation due to uncontrolled diabetes has given me a wake up call. I would ask that if you read this, and you are willing to keep me acco...

Last Tuesday, I had my gall bladder removed.  The same week I found out I was expecting Kaidance, I had a scan done that had shown that my gall bladder was "completely full of stones, top to bottom, right to left".  My OB/GYN prefers to err on the side of caution, as do I, so we agreed that unless it started to show signs of becoming infected, I'd wait until after the baby was born to have any surgery done. Luckily, through the pregnancy I really had no major issues other than heartburn (but what pregnant woman doesn't?) but within three weeks of delivery, I was starting to have gall bladder attacks (Imagine the worst back labor EVER) and was referred to a surgeon. Apparently, mine was one of the fullest he'd seen and he commented that he wasn't sure how I'd gone another (almost) full year past diagnosis to have it removed.  I do.  The grace of God. For comparison's sake, here is what a healthy, normal gall bladder looks like: And this was mine...

Really, it's been feeling SO good to finish up using products that had been sitting around half used, I'm not sure I'll stop at 20...  But, we're almost halfway to that goal!!! You would not BELIEVE the number of toothpaste tubes we have in this house that are half used...drives me NUTS.

Sorry that the updates here haven't been as consistent as they could or should be, but getting into a groove for working out now that Jeff is back in school, finding childcare while we go, and recovering from surgery have kind of slowed up the process.  We now have a set date and goal weight wise. In an ideal setting and a perfect world, by March 1st, I want to have lost 65 lbs.  More realistically, I'm planning to see 40lbs gone by that date.  More would be welcomed and amazing though!

I haven't written in a little while because I wasn't sure what to say, and I was pretty disappointed. Within just a couple of days of having my extreme "breakthrough", I had a scary set back and have been kind of floating through life since then. A week ago I had a horrible panic attack/flashback while I was out running errands.  Thank God that my mom was with me as I was driving and she said I held my breath and stopped breathing for a bit.  She had to remind me to inhale/exhale for the next several minutes until I could get to a parking lot and park to have my melt down. It was so vivid.  One second I felt the rubber of the steering wheel in my hands and the next I felt her.  I could feel Kaidi's silky hair and her cold scalp resting in my hand, the other just barely weighed down with the other 3lbs 5oz of her.  I could feel the cold of her face on my lips and could smell her hair.  Her hair smelled so good...so good....  Instead of it comforti...

I should actually be putting away all the things I bought today instead of writing about them, but heck, it's 10 pm and I'd rather type than be on my feet. I went in with a specific list and a (partial) plan and did pretty well. First up was Dollar General I went in with the plan to pay $15.00. What I Got: 2 cars for Kamden: $2.10 Dog food:  $5.00 Dog treats (x2): $3.30 Bath Wash for Kamden: $1.50 Peroxide: $.60 Bandaids: $1.50 Snack Container for Kamden: $1.50 Hamburger Buns: $1.00 Bread: $1.00 Ziploc Freezer Bags (x2): $5.00 Total before coupons: $23.94 Less 1.00 off coupon on Ziploc bags $22.94 Total Savings: 22% In addition, I was given a $5 dollar off coupon for the next time I was in store, so it was like I spent $17.94!!!  Not bad when I'd planned on $15.00! Next up was Walgreen's:  One great thing to note about Walgreen's is that they not only allow you to use their in store coupon, but you can stack it with a manufacturer's coupon as well. What I Got:  ...

Another one down.  Several things are close to being used up so I hope to have a great post soon.  

I've come to the conclusion that I am an ADD procrastinated cleaner. I have the inability to complete a task, start to finish, without doing something else (or many things) in between. For example, I'll clean one kitchen counter, put toilet bowl cleaner in the toilet, vacuum a room, clean another kitchen counter, etc. I find myself never able to just clean the whole kitchen without doing what seems like half a million other things. And then, I never end up fully cleaning the kitchen the way I want. I also tend to do some sort of cleaning, take a break (facebook, tv, color with my toddler, play with the dog, love on the cat, etc) and it takes me the whole day (who am I kidding, the whole weekend) to get enough things done that my house usually is suitable if someone were to come over. Part of the reason for all of that right now is that I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant with my second child and still work full time so by the time the weekend rolls around, I don't want to d...

I did not write these poems but instead had them shared with my by two beautiful sets of parents who have lost children as well.  I thought them sadly appropriate. THESE SHOES I wear a pair of shoes They are ugly shoes Uncomfortable shoes I hate my shoes Each day I wear them and each day I wish I had another pair Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step Yet, I continue to wear them I get funny looks wearing these shoes They are looks of sympathy I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs They never talk about my  learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them But, once you put them on, you can never take them off I now realize I am not the only one who wears these shoes There are many pairs in this world Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hur...

At least when it comes to God. If you could see me now, I would annoy you.  I'm kinda giddy.  I had an amazing, life changing afternoon. While I was cleaning. Now, not many things happen GOOD while I'm cleaning.  Generally, I find moldy, hidden food or half-full of milk sippy cups, the random "other sock" that I thought the dryer ate, or any number of other unpleasant things. That being said, you can imagine my surprise when in the middle of vacuuming up the carcasses of goldfish crackers I had a girnormous God-moment. I normally just work in silence, but had chosen to clean while listening to my iPod today and had it on Kutless' "It Is Well" album.  (You'll hear a few of the songs here on my page now.)  I have not been able to listen to the song "What Faith Can Do" since Kaidi died, or even before then without significant anger or just flat out changing the song.  If you've not heard the song, at least look up the lyrics.  Th...

Today my dad, Kamden and I went to the cemetery.  After taking care of some business side of it all, I went to Kaidance's grave and sat to talk to her.  I inadvertently almost sat down on a small cactus that has started growing just beside her temporary name marker.  I sat and just talked to her for a good while, but eventually I found myself just staring at the cactus. I've never thought of that type of plant being beautiful, but for some reason today I saw genuine beauty in the tiny, thorny plant.  It was a deep mid-tone green.  Not a forest green, but not by any means bright either.  Just a bit bigger around than a half dollar and probably 2 inches tall, it was thriving in the middle of acres of yellowish, dead grass.  The only other green I saw anywhere were random weeds growing up here and there, but near Kaidi, only the yellowish grass and her little cactus.  The beautifully green, painfully thorny cactus. I fought the urge to reach out ...

Regarding my last post: I know that it wasn't the most pleasant of reads, and to some it may have been downright disturbing or worrisome.  That has never been my intention with this blog.  I said from the beginning that I would be open, honest, candid and raw about what I went through, felt and dealt with in this process and I've tried to stay true to that. In the future, should any "worrisome or disturbing" thoughts or feelings be included in a post, I will have a disclaimer at the beginning of the blog.  I need this to be my place I can come and be open, and if it's too hard or worries people too much, I understand and would ask that you not read. Love in Him Tara